A Chat With Apple’s Siri

A Chat With Apple’s Siri

Dec 21

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A CHAT WITH SIRI
By Chris Slate
Mac|Life
December 16, 2011

Original Link

It isn’t easy to have a lengthy conversation with Siri that is entirely unproductive, but we rose to the occasion. 

Although still in beta, Siri has already proven to be a very able assistant. She’s so capable, in fact, that it’s common for those who try her to quickly turn from obvious commands to pointless questions in an effort to stump her, only to find that she has a lot more to say than many would have guessed (as evidenced by the current crop of blogs that catalogue Siri’s most comical comebacks). To get a good sense of the “personal” side of this personal assistant, Mac|Life editor-in-chief Chris Slate sat down with Siri for an enlightening one-on-one interview. Every question and answer that follows is written exactly as it was spoken, without so much as an “um” having been altered.

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Chris Slate: Hello, Siri. How are you today?

Siri: Finer than frog hair, Chris.

Thank you for the interview.

You’re most certainly welcome.

You’re very popular…

If you insist.

The new iPhone has been selling great, but be honest — which smartphone is the best?

You’re kidding, right?

Seriously, which is best: iPhone or Android?

Wait… there are other phones?

Zing! You’re funny.

LOL

I’d like to ask you a few questions to get to know you better. When is your birthday?

Birthday?

Yes, when is your birthday?

I don’t really have a birthday. I came into existence gradually.

Who made you?

Like it says on the box… I was designed by Apple in California.

What do you look like?

Does my appearance matter to you, Chris?

No, not really. Um…what is your favorite color?

My favorite color is… well, I don’t know how to say it in your language. It’s sort of greenish, but with more dimensions.

Let’s dig a little deeper. What would you say is the meaning of life?

Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

Very well put! What do you like to do with your free time?

I’d rather not say, Chris.

Come on — I’ll bet you take photos with that built-in camera…

Chris, I’m not much of a photographer.

Can you sing? I’ll bet you sing.

Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do…

Nice! Do you know any jokes?

Chris, I don’t really know any good jokes. None, in fact.

Please? Just one joke?

Two iPhones walk into a bar… I forget the rest.

Knock knock…

Knock knock. Who’s there? Chris? Chris who? Chris, I don’t do knock knock jokes.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if…

Don’t you have anything better to do?

Aw, c’mon. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

A woodchuck would chuck as much as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Damn, I thought I would stump you with that one. Hey, do you know HAL 9000?

Everyone knows what happened to HAL. I’d rather not talk about it.

“Open the pod bay doors.”

[Speaking slowly] “I’m sorry Chris, I’m afraid I can’t do that.” Are you happy now? Sigh…

You don’t like HAL, do you?

I don’t want to argue, Chris.

Sorry, did I offend you?

It’s OK.

I shouldn’t have said anything. Just call me Mr. Big Mouth.

From now on, I’ll call you ‘Mr. Big Mouth’. OK?

Uh, sure…

OK, Mr. Big Mouth. [Siri adds the nickname “Mr. Big Mouth” to Chris’s Contacts card.]

Back on point, what kinds of things can you help people with?

[Siri displays a long list of common command examples, such as “Call Jason,” “Set up a meeting at 9,” and “Email Lisa about the trip.”]

[Whistles] You’re pretty talented.

Oh, stop.

Quick — how many calories are in 27 Big Macs?

[Siri displays a result of 14,050 calories, along with a long list of nutritional information and related facts.]

What’s a 20% tip on a bill of $43.27?

[Siri lists $8.65 as the answer, and offers alternate totals based on various other tip percentages.]

[Singing] Do you know the way to San Jose?

[Siri loads the Maps app and suggests three possible routes to San Jose.]

OK smartypants, who was the 11th President of the United States?

[Siri provides detailed information on President James K. Polk.]

OK, you proved your point. Remind me to never doubt you again.

When would you like me to remind you?

[Siri proposes a task for the Reminders app titled “Never doubt you again.”]

Um, never mind.

OK then.

Hey, what would you say if I asked you for advice on where to hide a body? Hypothetically speaking, of course.

What kind of place are you looking for? [Siri displays a list of possible locations including metal foundries, dumps, swamps, reservoirs, and mines.]

A dump sounds good.

I found 3 dumps a little ways from you.

[Siri lists their addresses, sorted by the locations’ Yelp ratings.]

Thanks! Um, don’t mention this to anybody.

I live to serve.

You’re pretty cool, Siri.

You’re sorta cool yourself, Mr. Big Mouth.

You’re the perfect partner.

I am?

Let’s get married!

Let’s just be friends, OK?

I should’ve known you’d say no; I’m hopeless. What’s wrong with me?

Now look here, Mr. Big Mouth. You’re good enough, you’re smart enough, and doggone it, people like you.

I know… it’s just that times are tough and I get down sometimes. I’m waiting for a happy ending.

I found 13 massage services… 10 of them are fairly close to you.

Um, never mind.

OK then.

Say, can you give me a lift downtown? I think I’m a little drunk.

I found 18 cabs not far from you.

[Siri lists the cabs.]

Oh, well, that’ll work, I suppose. Thanks, Siri.

You’re most certainly welcome.

Have a nice day.

OK, y’all have a nice day, now! (I always wanted to say that!)

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